The No Golf List

A running list of video game platforms on which I have found NO GOLF

A question very frequently asked by enthusiasts of retro tech and video games is "can you play Doom on it?" Or sometimes the variation, "can you play Tetris on it?" Well, as ubiquitous as both things are, in the grand scheme of video gaming across its entire existence, there is one thing that, statistically, could outdo them. In that respect, I would argue that you can play some kind of golf on more computer and video game platforms than you can play Doom or Tetris. As mathematically intense as the game of golf is, with the need to calculate parabolic angles and sometimes rolling in three dimensions, electronic doodads have been attempting to simulate golf since well before the invention of Tetris or Doom, giving it a head-start by several years. So ubiquitous digital golf is, as a result, that it is probably faster to list out the systems that you cannot play golf on, than it is to list the ones on which you can.

That said: the following is a list of console or computer platforms on which I have, as of this writing, found no golf games to exist.

• Amstrad GX4000 - Sure, it's an Amstrad CPC computer stuffed into a cartridge-based console, but because the only media it accepts is cartridges (the same that were also accepted by the CPC Plus line), that renders it difficult if not impossible to run any of the existing CPC golf games. Officially, though, not a single one was ever released as a cartridge. To the best of my research, anyway.
• Apple/Bandai Pippin - There are no golf games specific to the Pippin. It might be able to run golf games designed for low-spec Macintosh computers, with a lot of effort, but I am unaware of anybody having tried.
• Bandai Super Vision 8000 - An almost Intellivision-like game console from 1979 Japan, Bandai's Super Vision only had seven games available for it, none of which resemble golf.
• Casio Loopy - The recent invention/release of a flash cartridge for the Loopy does give me some hope that a homebrew dev might try it at some point, but there does not appear to be any official golf for this sticker-printing console for young girls. Shame.
• Casio PV-1000 / PV-2000 - Casio's very brief attempts to get into the early video game market, with all the confusion that it entailed, had slightly less than 13 games available for each. Neither the 1000 nor the 2000 had any golf games available for them.
• Commodore C64GS - Commodore's ill-advised attempt at converting the C64 into a game console never had any official golf games released for it. I imagine with a cartridge-slot-based flash cartridge/floppy drive emulator, you could probably coax a C64GS into running any golf game intended for the full-fat C64, but whether said game would be controllable with only a joystick, or suffer the fate of RoboCop 2 (Press Return to begin! ...where's Return?) I could not say.
• Epoch Cassette Vision - Frankly, with the graphical limitations, golf would be awfully abstract for this machine even if it did exist. That said: its successor, the Epoch Super Cassette Vision, does have a golf game - albeit a frustratingly limited one.
• Epoch Game Pocket Computer - This ambitious 1984 gadget contains one built-in game (a 15-tile sliding puzzle) and was backed with five interchangeable game cartridges. None of them are golf.
• Gakken Compact Vision TV Boy - Gakken's attempt to wrest control of the early Japanese video game console market from competitor Epoch, the Compact Vision TV Boy's library has an astonishing six games. None of them are sports game adaptations, let alone golf.
• Koei Pasogo - Maybe this isn't fair to put on here, considering the Pasogo was a cartridge-based console intended solely to play the game of Go. But here we are. It exists. It does not have golf on it. "Go" is only two letters away from "Golf," but that isn't really relevant either.
• Mega Duck - Sometimes called the Cougar Boy, this small-market Game Boy-like handheld had a library of, notationally, as many as 37 games, all numbered, though several gaps in their numbering system mean the actual number is somewhat less than that. The console that Snake Roy calls home, does not have any golf games to its name.
• Tiger R-Zone - With the R-Zone being a slightly fancier LCD game with a projection lens gimmick, I'd think there would be a golf game for it - somehow, nope.
• Milton Bradley Microvision - the 1979 handheld game toy with interchangable game-screen-cartridges has No Golf on it. To be fair, I do not see how golf could be effectively simulated on it, either.
• Super A'can - From Taiwanese manufacturer Funtech came a domestically produced, Motorola 68000-powered video game console that was intended to compete with the Mega Drive and Super Famicom. Unfortunately, by 1995, there was no way a new 16-bit console was going to be in any way competitive, on top of it being allegedly quite expensive for what it was. Only 12 games are known to have been released for the Super A'can, and a further 11 in development that were canceled when the system flopped on the market. As you can imagine from it being on this list: none of them are golf games.
• Tomy Tutor - No golf for this educational computer with cartridge-based software. OldComputers.net says this machine has a lot in common, hardware-wise, with the TI-99/4A computer, so maybe a conversion of a title like Country Club Golf is potentially possible.
• VTech CreatiVision / Dick Smith Wizzard - This ColecoVision-like console (that, I am told, has a module that allows it to run ColecoVision games, too) has only 18 titles available for it, none of which are golf. It does have a BASIC interpreter available, but with only a 2 MHz CPU and 1 KB of RAM, I'm unsure that a proper golf sim is possible without being written for bare-metal.
• VTech 3D Gamate - Rather a lot like the Tiger R-Zone and the Microvision, 1983's VTech 3D Gamate is an LCD-driven handheld game system with interchangeable screen-cartridges, but the primary difference is that the Gamate has two of them: one for each eye (screens, not cartridges), in a device that looks a lot like a pair of binoculars. The six known games released for the 3D Gamate are pack-in title Formula 500, Death Corridor, Escape, Viking Invasion, Bonk, and Flying Saucers. As I'm sure you can surmise, those are not golf games.
• Watara / QuickShot SuperVision - Watara's Game Boy competitor of 1992 amassed a somewhat sizeable library, in addition to its unique (for the time) native TV-out capability. However, of the 65 titles available, none of them seem to be golf, at least going solely by their titles.

Sub-List 1: The Almost-Golf List

A list of hardware platforms that had golf games in development but were never released

• Atari Jaguar - No finished golf game released, but prototypes of Jack Nicklaus Cyber Golf exist. On a very technical level, I could say that the Jaguar itself indeed had no golf, as Cyber Golf was likely intended for release on the Jaguar CD add-on, but the protos will run just fine on an unexpanded machine, as limited as they are.
• NEC PC-FX - NEC's short-lived, FMV-centric CD-ROM follow-up to the PC Engine/TurboGrafx, in its adorable micro-tower configuration, could have had versions of T&E Soft's Masters: Harukanaru Augusta 3 and Pebble Beach Golf Links released for it. Unseen64 even has one single screenshot of the former, very much looking just like the 3DO and Saturn versions that did get released. Thanks to Phil Salvador for the tip.
• Tiger Game.com - While not released and no prototype has been found, Mulligan's Golf Challenge was said to be coming soon.
• Vectrex - A demo called "Nonagolf 📽️" (or "Nona3" depending on where you find it) seems to exist, resembling a miniature golf game, but it does not seem to be a finished game. But I guess if the Jaguar gets to be on this list, so does the Vectrex.

Sub-List 2: The "Oops, This Has Golf After All" List

A list of hardware platforms that I thought had no golf on them but have golf on them after all

• Coleco ADAM - While the ColecoVision console on its own has no golf, the ill-fated personal computer based on it has ADAM Links Golf, being a tale of a little stick figure named Fred. Alongside ADAM Links Golf is a program called LinkBUILDER, which at long last has been located on the ADAM Archive and sent to me by Golfshrine reader Scroungin' 4 Catsup by way of a Cohost post... that I had missed for three months before getting tagged about it again on Bluesky.
• Sega SG-1000 - has Champion Golf. (thanks, cohost user @Fel-Temp-Reparatio)
• Wii U - I previously thought this system had no dedicated golf games. While no physical releases of them exist (Wii Sports Club does have golf in it and has a physical disc though), the Wii U eShop did have Endless Golf, a clone of Blinkbat Games' Desert Golfing.

Sub-List 3: The Section of Much Debate

A list of platforms for which I have heard some disagreements over whether they should be included in the No-Golf List at all

• ColecoVision - Connecticut's little Atari competitor that could, enters this sub-list by way of my arguing with myself. ColecoVision on its own has no golf games whatsoever, however, the Coleco ADAM computer was available not just standalone, but also as "expansion module #3" for the ColecoVision console (somewhat of a misnomer, because the "module" consists of almost an entire computer plus printer and keyboard) into which the CV console slots in. I feel as if it is no longer fair to say that the ColecoVision has no golf games - it just requires some extra hardware.
• Pioneer LaserActive - Pioneer's collaborative, modular, LaserDisc-based machine is something of a Matryoshka doll of video game consoles. Through the use of interchangeable "PAC" modules, the LaserActive machine could gain compatibility with Sega Genesis or TurboGrafx 16 games, but its big draw was that these PACs could also interface with the LaserDisc drive, allowing development and play of special "Mega LD" or "LD-ROM2" games. Its library is very small for both things, though, and contains no golf games purpose-built for either system. You could just play an existing golf game for Genesis, Sega CD, or TG16/TGCD, I suppose.
• Sega TeraDrive - The TeraDrive, a collaboration between Sega and IBM released exclusively in Japan, is a combination small-form-factor PC and Sega Mega Drive console. While usable as either machine independently, with an MD cartridge slot on the front and a 286-based IBM computer inside, the TeraDrive's neatest gimmick is that the two "sides" of the machine could actually interact with each other, with - as far as I am aware - exactly one game released that takes advantage of this functionality: Puzzle Construction, a Mega Drive game that allows the PC side to create new levels for it. While a cool concept, this is unfortunately not a golf game, so golfers will probably be better served playing a Mega Drive or DOS-based golf game that only uses half the machine.